Iron, element number 26 on the periodic table, is the element you use to flatten your clothes. So that’s handy. Have you ever tried pressing the wrinkles out of your clothes with other elements? Sure, helium makes your shirts talk in a goofy, high-pitched voice, but it actually leaves your dress shirts and suit jackets even MORE wrinkled than before.
In the movies, Iron Man is a superhero played by Robert Downey, Jr. who shows up at wrinkled-clothing emergencies and presses tuxedos, wedding dresses–wherever clothing is wrinkled, Iron Man is there! Who knew ironing made for such compelling cinema?
Of course, there is also the classic Black Sabbath song “Iron Man,” about an iron man who destroys all of Mankind because his pants came back from the dry cleaners slightly wrinkled. Understandable.
Scientists have long wondered what would happen if Iron Man met Iron Man. Would Iron Man destroy Iron Man, or would Iron Man destroy Iron Man? We may never know, unless that’s the plot of Iron Man 4. Which would rock ass.
One thing’s for sure: if iron didn’t exist, all our clothing would talk in a squeaky, helium voice, and that would get REALLY annoying REALLY quickly.
IRON REMINDER: Pre-order the Disalmanac book, get a free autographed (paper, not iron) bookmark! And maybe win some original art from the book–details here.